It took me a year to type this up to share. It has been a hard year.
Letter to Maddy:
February-March 2021
We have lived many places together, you were the constant in my life for over 16 years. You feel in love with Reid and always seemed to feel at home with him. That meant a lot to me. When he came over you were very excited to see him. Our favorite picture of you is mooing at the train. We laugh at that video every time we watch it. I’m not sure we will ever tire of watching that video, or the videos of you having zoomies. The first time I heard you moo was in the car and I was convinced there was a cow standing outside of the car. The windows were open, a train was going by, and you let out this loud howl that sounded more like a moo.
When you were younger you loved walks. We would walk to the park or go to the bike path every night. I had to start coming up with different words to use for going on a walk because you knew the word “walk”. Somehow you would always catch on with the new word. When you heard those words, your ears would perk up and you would be very excited to go on a walk. One-time dad and I took you to the bike path, we pulled up to park, the window was open, and you were so excited to be there that you jumped out of the truck window. No idea how you weren’t hurt from that. We lost a dog sweater on that path when you decided to go into the bushes. You went into the bushes with it on and came out without it.
You were very stubborn, but smart. I would ask you to go get one of your toys and you would pick out the toy I said to go get. For awhile your favorite toy was a squeaky turtle, some how you destroyed it. I bought a replacement but it wasn’t good enough. The other favorite toys you had were the ball racoon and a chipmunk. You had a bear that was the same size as you and you would drag the bear around the house. The bear now sits on a chair and every time I see it I think of you.
Your size never stopped you from chasing larger animals. Reid and I are still shocked at the time you chased a deer down the road. Any bunny you would see you would want to go after it. One time you chased a chicken and I learned I can’t bring you around the neighbor’s chickens. There was a time where you cornered an opossum under a bush. One time when we walked down to the park you made friends with an Irish Wolfhound. You didn’t like many dogs but there was something special about that one.
Car rides were another favorite activity of yours. There were days that you would have a lot of energy and nothing would calm you down but I found that car rides did. I would let you hang your head out the window and would drive you around the neighborhood for a while.
Bath time was an exciting time for you when you were younger. I would ask if you wanted a bath and you would run to the bathroom and jump in the tub. I think you hated the drying off part though. You got the zoomies after a bath and then I would wrap you up in a blanket to dry. When you were in your younger years you would want to drink out of the bath tub. You would cry in the tub in the bathroom until someone turned the water on for you and you would drink out of the small puddle around the drain. No matter where we lived you knew where the bathtub was.
When ever I had a bad day as soon as I saw you waiting by the door for me all of the bad moments faded away. It seemed like you always had a spot to sleep where you could watch the door and would cry when I was leaving. The tail wag when I got home made my heart so happy. I’m sorry you had so much anxiety when I left you home alone. It was difficult seeing you upset.
One of my favorites, selfish things about you is when others would pick you up around me you would struggle to get out of their arms and back to me. I tried so hard to make you happy and have a good life. I wasn’t perfect with it and probably should have waited until I was older to get a dog but you had good doggy sitters.
I dreaded this time of your life for since I first met you. I miss you sitting in my lap. It seems that now you’re more comfortable on a blanket on the ground. You are a beautiful little poodle. Very snappy at times, but that is who you are, a little happy and a little grumpy. Sometimes I wonder if that is who you still are in your dreams. You still dream, I see it when your sleeping. I hope you can see and hear everything in your dreams.
March 15, 2021
I wrote the previous notes a few months ago to remind me of how much I loved you. I am afraid of forgetting how you feel and the sound of your bark.
Tomorrow we decided is the day. This decision is incredibly difficult. We’ve been in tears all week. I’ve tried to sit with you in the office at as much as possible this week. My office has been your spot for months now. It seems you’re most comfortable in here. I love you my little one. It’s difficult to accept this is it, our last night together, our last cuddle. We cuddled and you stayed in my arms longer than usual. I’m fighting going to sleep because I don’t want it to end. I hope you had a good life. I will forever love you.
March 16, 2021
In a few hours you’ll be asleep. You had a very active morning which isn’t like your lately. My office will be so quiet without you my little one. I’m listening to you breath. I won’t hear that soon. I hope your life was good. I’m very thankful for you and the time we had together. Thank you for being my dog. I love you always.
May 2, 2004 – March 19, 2021
